A Week of Extremes

I missed Sunday's update... but oh well. This'll do. :)

This past week I felt somewhat bipolar. Maybe not in the precise definition of the condition, but just that one day I felt somewhat depressed and sad about certain things, and then the next day I was exuberantly happy. It was kind of weird. Since, though, I've mostly stayed with "exuberantly happy." Wednesday in general was a very stressful day. I wanted to get my CS 124 lab done so I wouldn't have to worry about finishing it on Thursday (since it was due on Thursday) and I had to perform the first movement of the Mozart Concerto in Master Classes that night only rehearsing with my pianist for the first time an hour before we performed (not to mention I was basically just learning the second half of it), and I had a couple other things that were due that day as well. I just wanted it to be over. I didn't seem to have much done with my lab by 8 o' clock that night, and after performing in Master Classes, I felt like I didn't do very well at all. Right after performing I was rather proud of myself for just making it through since I had only really rehearsed it once and was hoping to just get the notes and rhythms right with a couple other things. And I did just that! The 3 or 4 hours before I had spent at work listening to various recordings of people playing the first movement on youtube so I could just get it in my head. It probably would've helped to have the music in front of me, but I had that thing stuck in my head like nobody's business. I was feeling pretty good. Then came the comments. They weren't terrible, it was just nobody said anything good about it. It was all, "This should've been more exaggerated, the style needed to be more this and that..." Someone mentioned that I needed to just get a recording to know how certain things go. I knew there was one spot that many people played a certain way, but I just chose not to. I guess that made her think I didn't know how it was supposed to go. I did play one half note as one beat because I had gotten in the habit of doing that in my practicing just out of stupidity. Maybe that's what she was thinking of. After sitting down I just felt like I had completely insulted a standard in Oboe literature. Like I should've just nailed it and failed. All I wanted was one good thing said, and nobody said anything. If anything, it was like people were eager to tell me everything I did wrong. 

So, needless to say, I felt pretty down. I think in retrospect it's just that it is one of those pieces that everybody knows and so the whole time I was playing they had a certain recording in their head and all they could think of was how what I was doing didn't match what they had going in their mind. I'm not a terrible Oboist, I know that. It was fine. I'm just learning it, and it's a freakin' beast. It'll be alright. :)

I got home and was just thinking about how I really needed to finish my lab, and I just wasn't getting it. It's frustrating because with Computer Science stuff I normally get it. I've had so much experience with it, and I freakin' teach it to people every day. I feel like I should catch on quickly. But in CS 124, we are dealing with stuff that's completely knew. Gates, latches, MDR, Program Counter, etc. So much information to absorb. I've found that usually with this type of stuff, I feel slower than normal right at first. Like I just don't get it as fast as most people are getting it. Then, one moment, it just makes sense. It's like an exponential growth of knowledge as things click here and there. I'm finally hitting that point where things are making sense. But, Wednesday night, I was still at the beginning slow stage trying to figure things out. All I had to do was making a program that took single digit numbers until you pressed "=" and it would output the sum. Sounds simple. In Java I could code that up in about 2 minutes. But in this class, I had to do it in assembly. I was actually excited to learn how to program in assembly. It's like the base level of programming. You have to tell the computer how to do everything. Right at first, it's just giberish. It makes no sense. Well, needless to say, Wednesday night I finally got it to work! Things made sense! I went to bed happy.

Thursday morning came and life was grand! Except for the fact that I had an incoming Calculus test I didn't feel ready for, I loved it! I was at work and I was just giddy. I taught a help session for CS 142 and I think I was just a little too excited for the students to teach loops and conditional statements. It was so weird. I felt odd being so happy after feeling so depressed the day before.

Oh! I also had a Dictation Pace test on Thursday--I got a B+ or A- again! (I'm not completely sure, but right around there.) I keep feeling like I'm getting lucky. I might just be able to pull off a B+ in that class. That'd be so grand. It'd make up for whatever grade I'm going to get in Calc 2. Ugh, that class is the death of me. It just takes so long to do everything. I'm planning on taking the second midterm tomorrow night. It's going to be torture again, I just know it. I'm hoping to pass this one, but we'll see. I attempted to study today, and it took me two hours to do the first 3 problems on the review. Well, we looked at some other things. Oh boy. It'll be fun, I just know it.

Let's not forget that this was a three-day weekend! We had today off! I know it's somewhat rare to get President's Day off in college, but this will sadly be the last day we get off until the end of the semester. Which, in terms of working is good. In fact, I'm not too torn up about it because we get out so early. Oh wow... we are already in the middle of February. It's actually kind of worrisome that we are already so far into the semester when I feel like so many of my classes shouldn't be close to finishing. Like I haven't done enough to really sustain my grade where I want it to be. *cough* Calculus! *cough*

Oh boy, I'm typing quite a bit. Today there was a kind of Music 276 party again. It was fun as always! We watched "Much Ado About Nothing" and had pizza and cookies, as well as played Mad Gab. What a fun game. It was somewhat frustrating to hear everyone complain about Keanu Reeve's "terrible" acting everytime he'd come on screen since I was somewhat obsessed with him back in the day. I didn't say anything. I wouldn't say that the first thing I thought of when they suggested watching that movie was that it had Keanu Reeves' in it. In fact, when they first showed his face, someone said, "Oh, I forgot he was in this movie!" Then people went on to say how he was Neo, was a horrible actor, and his best movie was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. They'd say that he probably didn't have any idea what he was saying and was just repeating lines he had memorized with certain feelings associated with it. If there's one thing I know, it's that Keanu Reeves is not dumb. He's actually very smart. I'm not gonna say he's the best actor I know, but I know that he's not as terrible as people make him out to be. Maybe I should've said something. It obviously kind of bothered me. Oh well! :)

Alright, I think I'll stop here and head off to bed. I've got to get up early tomorrow to do my sight singing homework. What a joy!